Before this day, I was convinced that I wouldn’t cry at the day when my grandmother will be forever gone, at least physically. We were never really that close, we only exchanged smiles, ‘hi’s, ‘hello’s, ‘how are you’s, and small little chats. But then, I was wrong.
Just before her coffin is to be taken to the church, all of us gathered together in the house for the prayer. The old women led the prayer and in the end they sang a series of songs, odes. And they were beautiful.
Together with the melody of the song, loneliness and grief came into my chest. All of a sudden, all I could think about is my lola. Those few times I got to spend with her, those little moments we shared. Those smiles she used to give me, those loving looks her eyes used to reflect whenever she sees me, her voice, her laughter, all things I remember about her. They all came back like a flash in my mind. And as the old women continued to sing the ode, the heavy feeling weighed down in my chest.
Next thing I knew, tears were falling down. The excuse of ‘something got into my eyes’ is no longer convincing. I used all my strength to stay silent and stop the tears since I looked like a fool being the only one there crying. All the others around me were just standing, listening to the prayers and the singing. But my strength was useless because the tears had become uncontrollable.
I glanced around and I felt much worse as I found out I was wrong. Everyone around me also had tears in their eyes. And they were mourning in silence just like myself. When a sob sounded from somewhere and crying became audible, there is nothing that can stop those tears in my eyes anymore.
And the ode continues.